- 15-year-old me: MOM I'm practically an ADULT ugggh you never let me do ANYTHING in olden times i could get MARRIED *eye roll into another dimension*
- me now: for my birthday i want food and to stay on your health insurance
Tbh I’m afraid to go to Portland. I’ve heard bad things about it and everyone who lives there, including its local squirrels and mushrooms, no offense.
What if I get attacked by a gang of kombucha homebrewers? What if a young tattooed couple hits me with their $1400 baby stroller? What if someone hands me a hempen flyer for a Christian hot yoga meetup? It’s too dangerous.